Reflecting on Life

Having some time off last week was a nice break and gave me a chance to think about some things going on in my life that I'm usually too busy to really think about. Here are some of the things I was pondering:


Work. Earlier this month I was told that our office would probably be closing because of the current economy and not having been able to pick up new work in months. This didn't upset me as much as it probably could have. Yes, it was disappointing to hear that I would be out of work and out of income but since I do the books I kinda knew it would be coming eventually and in all honesty I don't love my job. I don't necessarily hate/dislike my job but I don't love it. I don't look forward to going to work in the morning and I get burnt out halfway through the day. Answering phones, doing data entry, accounts receivable/payable, and resolving problems all day every day gets old pretty quickly (at least I think so). So anyway this made me think about what kind of work I would be interested in doing when it's time to look for a job and unfortunately nothing sounds fun to me. I probably would go back to working retail and trying to get on as the weekday morning person so I wouldn't have to deal with all the long nights/weekends/holidays that come with working retail. That doesn't sound like the most exciting option but really I can't think of anything else I would seriously want to do. I'd love to work for myself but that isn't very practical right now and I don't know what I would do exactly so it's better to look for something else while I figure out what I want to do.... if I ever figure that out. But yesterday morning I was told that we'll be staying in our office on a month to month basis going forward so I don't have to look for a job for right now at least (which is nice because I still have my income but kinda sucks because it's back to the guessing game of when and if I am going to work retail after this it'd be easier to find a job now than after holiday season).


School. Not much new there. My dad questioned me about my plans with school last week but other than finishing up my associates (hopefully done next semester) I don't have plans for school because of the above mentioned problem of not knowing what to do with my life. I think it's fun to take classes that interest me and can take just to learn something but I don't want to take more dumb core classes like math.


Friends. I am not a good friend. I haven't been one for years. I know this and have thought about it a lot but am too good at making myself busy with other things (work, school, band, etc) to be a good friend. It's something that I want to/am going to work on. I keep wanting to start clubs (craft, sewing, book, whatever) so that I have set aside time regularly to see friends and to do fun things together but haven't had a lot of feedback from people. One or two people will be kind of interested but don't sound super interested and not enough people are to make a club. My knitting club last fall was just one friend and me and that fizzled out. So I'm trying to come up with other ways to be a better friend. So far I'm trying to stay in better contact with people and do better about knowing what's going on in peoples lives. Some people respond and some don't but I'm still trying.


Love. My relationship with Jon is great. Still super happy. He's started talking about marriage again and for our 3 year anniversary of dating he took me to look at some so that is exciting and a little scary too. I feel like there's no reason why we shouldn't get married but there's that little fear/hesitation asking if I'm really ready for that and makes me wonder if there are things I want to do first like move to France for a year to learn the language, or go to school, or whatever but all those things don't seem practical right now anyway so I don't know. I think it's natural to have some second guessing thoughts when you plan to make big life changes. I don't second guess being with him at all though so that's good :)


Other stuff. I want to have more time to do things I want to do. More me time. There are lots of things I am interested and would like to do but don't feel like I have time to do. Like there's a program at the zoo where I could go work with the keepers a morning a week and learn about what they do and about the animals and stuff. I think that would be cool but don't have a morning a week to do that. Also, I want to sew things for me and not for shows or things that won't ever get used/worn. I have boxes and boxes and boxes of fabric and patterns but don't have time to do anything with them. I want to explore my hobbies/interests more and spend time with my poor puppy that spends her days locked up in my room because I'm always so busy with other things.


Essentially it sounds like it would be good if I lost my job. It would give me a chance to reprioritize and give me the freedom to do some of those things I want to do. So now the question is: do I jump ship? or hang in there and wait for it to sink?